The evening of April 27, 2012 I
sat around a restaurant table in Irapuato, Mexico with the leaders of CHOICE
Humanitarian, their family, and the man whose development project we were to
begin evaluating the following week. My research team and I had arrived only
days before, but we had already put our research plans into motion, including a
visit to several villages where the project would be implemented. I was
thrilled by the adventure, the possibility to contribute to the world of
international development, and to live and work in rural Mexican villages all
summer long.
As I sat looking around the
table at the many happy faces—new friends, mentors, leaders, and fellow
researchers—and listening to the talk of evaluation and longitudinal studies, a surprising thought came to me as if it had dropped out of the heavens and into my head:
"this is happening because of you." It was an interesting thought
because I knew that so much of what was going on was dependent on so many
others and wasn't a result of my doing alone. However, it was such a clear
thought that, after months and months of doubting my decision to go to Mexico
and do research, I finally knew I had made the right choice. I knew, in that
moment, that it was indeed the Spirit that had led me to Mexico and, though I
did not know exactly what it was, I was there for a reason.
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| Selina, Abby, and Me (the research team!) |
I met that 'reason' a week later. At the end of a week living in the village of
Garbanzo, Abby and Selina (the two other student researchers) and I took the
bumpy bus ride back to the city along the many dirt roads that wound their way
through little mountain communities. We arrived at the CHOICE Center (our
weekend lodging and research headquarters) around midday to find the place
deserted. Soon after we had deposited our dusty backpacks in our rooms,
however, the director of CHOICE arrived with a young man named Beto.
All winter semester Abby—who had come to this area of Mexico
just the year before on a two week study abroad—had talked about their amazing
expedition leader from the past year, Beto. She always spoke with such high
regard for him and was so excited when she heard he would be the expedition
leader for the new study abroad group coming that summer. I couldn't understand
how a person could be so amazing that someone would be that excited to see them
again; especially after knowing them for less than two weeks, but I was just
about to find out!
Beto had arrived earlier that week and was just returning
from running several errands for an expedition that would be arriving the
following day from Utah State University. I came out and shook his hand and introduced
myself. Honestly, I don't remember what I thought except "so he's Beto. He
seems nice." Then, after I showered and got ready, he came over to our
side of the CHOICE Center and began to talk with Abby. I was working on my
field notes, but I couldn't help but think how nice, kind, funny, cool, and a
tease he was. From the light and happiness he radiated I couldn't help but
wonder if he was LDS, but Abby informed me later that he was not. There was no
doubt, however, that Beto loved God.
We needed food and watches and so Beto offered to take us
downtown. We got food at the grocery store and then parked at the central
plaza. It was nice to be with someone who was so confident and knew where he
was, where he was going, and what he wanted. He was easy to talk to and he
treated everyone with respect, including the poor man who offered to wash his
car. His music all spoke of God and everything about him glowed with that
happiness that comes with being a disciple of Christ. He helped us find a place
to by cheap watches and laughed at how excited I was to know the time (I was
going crazy in the villages without a phone or watch because no one ever knows what time it is!). On the way home he stopped by a strawberry
store so we could all buy strawberries and cream (a dessert famous to
Irapuato). Somewhere in between the teasing, laughing, and conversation, the
four of us became fast friends.
The weekend passed quickly and we were soon making our way
back to the villages once more. This time, however, we rode with Juan (the
director of CHOICE) and Beto through all the towns on the other side of the
mountain to check on the engineers group from Utah State University. Along the way we drove
through the village of La Joyita, which is where Beto lived and worked as an
intern for five months when he first started working for CHOICE. He had
conducted an evaluation of the community and taught classes to the villagers
about how to take care of their animals (he is a veterinarian). Since then he
had worked with CHOICE for two years, leading expeditions, helping my professor
and his students with research projects, conducting a six week evaluation of an
education based organization in Chiapas (in Southern Mexico), and he even organized an
expedition with the single adults in his church to take toys to the children in
La Joyita. Needless to say, I was impressed (and with me, that's saying something).
After dropping us off in Garbanzo, Beto and Juan returned to
the city and we got to work on our research projects. On Thursday, Beto came up
for a little while to drop off food and
water for the expedition that would be there the next week from BYU. I was
excited to see him again, but he only stayed for 20 minutes or so. Still, that
moment made me realize how grateful I was for his friendship because he was so
legitimately cool (and nice)! In fact, we all really liked Beto. That night,
Selina asked me if I had ever considered marrying someone from another country.
I responded immediately with a no and a long list of all the reasons why not:
"It's hard enough communicating just being two different genders," I had said. "Then you
throw in different family backgrounds and things get more complicated . . . so
why would you ever add on another language and a different culture? Nope. I'd
never do it." (hahahaha)
Friday night I had a crazy dream where I was with Beto at
"his house" (not that I had ever been there, I just knew it was his
in my dream). Beto's house was by the side of a lake and so we all went and
played in it. When I woke up I thought what a funny dream it had been, but then
moved on to other things. We returned to Irapuato and arrived at the CHOICE
Center around noon. I got working on my field notes and then we talked with Juan and Beto about
what we had learned that week. At some point, Beto got a text message from one
of his friends from his church that her little sister would be playing in a
handball tournament in a city not too far away. Beto invited us to go so we all
jumped into his car, but Selina sat in the front seat on the way there so she
carried most of the conversation while I just listened.
All along the way Beto would point things out in the cities
we were passing and tell us about the history of the different industries or
things for which each city was famous. At one point, Selina and Beto got
talking about how much they like to travel. Beto said he would love to travel
to Venice, but that he was saving up his money to be able to build his house by
the side of a lake. I about jumped out of my
seat when he said that and I asked him to repeat what he had said just to
make sure I had heard him correctly. Only the night before I had dreamed about
being at Beto's house. . . by the side of a lake . . . and here he was, saying
that he wanted to build a home by the side of a lake. In the moment, I thought
the connection rather odd and surprising, but I couldn't make much of it.
We enjoyed our time at the handball game and then Beto took
us downtown and bought us dinner in the central plaza where it seemed the whole
city had shown up to watch the local soccer game. We had a lot of fun goofing
off and joking around. At one point we were joking about something and Beto
said "Por eso solo te quiero un poquito." (That's why I only like you
a little bit.) Even though he was joking I was excited that he had said he
liked me and sad that he had said he only liked me a little. In my mind, though,
it was still all about friendship at that point.
When we returned to the CHOICE Center we found the little
kids (who live there because their dad takes care of the animals) were
still awake. We joined them in their game of hopscotch and it was so fun to see
Beto play with the kids. They adore him. They tease him to no end and then try
and do everything he does. At one point we had piggy back races, wheelbarrow
races, rescue races, and we even tried piling all three kids on Beto's back. By
1:00 am Beto was teaching the kids how to do parkour! Their mom finally called
the kids to bed after that and we all called it a night.
The next evening we played with the kids once again. This
time, however, we decided to dance. At this point in the story I have to stop
and admit that if it had not been for the following events, I may have never
lowered my barriers enough to ever fall in love. One of the girls did a dance move (called a
tour jeté) which I had learned in my dance classes as a little girl. I got excited and explained that I knew the
move as well and began to go through the movements. As I went to swing my leg through,
however, I scraped my toe along the cement. I looked down to discover that half
the skin on my big right toe was gone and was replaced by a bloody mess. (Oh me
and my clumsiness!) I limped over to our side of the CHOICE Center and promptly
stuck my foot in the sink and placed my toe under running water. It hurt! I
shouted and then slugged Beto when he
tried to tickle my foot while it was in the sink (don't worry, I apologized
later). Everyone was around me—Abby, Selina, the kids, Beto—watching me we wash
out my toe and listening to me shout.
Beto disappeared for a second and came back with his
veterinary supplies. He made me sit on the recliner and then got to work
cleaning out my toe. I indeed admit that I probably never would have fallen in
love if it were not for this accident because it was one of the only ways I
would have let someone else take care of me. Over the next few days Beto was so
sweet to check on me and take care of my poor toe, cleaning it, bandaging it,
etc. Tuesday morning Beto thoroughly cleaned out my nasty gross toe and then
bandaged it up so I would be able to wear tennis shoes. Then we all headed over
to the hotel to meet up with our professor and his study abroad students who
had just arrived.
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| Beto taking care of my toe |
Once introductions were made, everybody piled into the cars
and we all took off for Garbanzo. Beto, Selina, Abby, and I all crammed into
the cab of the truck and laughed and talked all the way to Garbanzo. While in
Garbanzo I worked on my evaluation and Beto worked on the projects with the
students. Though we were both doing separate activities, we still found time to laugh and talk at mealtime, as well as when Beto would fix the bandages on my toe, and when we would play soccer with the village kids at night. One night, while fixing my bandages, Beto told me he was going to miss my toe, to which I replied that my toe would miss him too. As cheesy as it was, that was the first moment we both (albeit inadvertently) admitted some sore of affection for the other. :) Thank goodness for injured
toes!
Up to this point, however, I was still quite blissfully
unaware of how much my life was about to change in the following week. I liked
Beto, for sure. I found it rather exciting that he showed interest in me. But
did I have any clue I was about to fall in love with him? Not at all! Things
really began to change in Guanajuato. After working with the study abroad
students in the village during their first week, they invited us to join them
on their weekend trip to the historic city of Guanajuato. Guanajuato is
absolutely beautiful! Colorful houses cover the hillsides, tunnels run through
the hills, and European architecture can be seen everywhere you go. After
checking into our separate hotel rooms and eating a lovely dinner with my research team, Beto
accompanied me to the University of Guanajuato where I was interviewing the son
of one of the village families who was studying there.
 |
| Roaming the streets of Guanajuato |
After the incredible interview, Beto and I walked the
student to his bus stop and then decided we were close enough to our hotel we
could just walk. That was the first time we had ever been alone together and it
was really fun. Beto took me to several historical spots and would tell me the
stories as we went along (I LOVE HISTORY). We raced to the top of the steps of
the University of Guanajuato, listened to the bards, got a picture with Don
Quixote, and walked through beautiful plazas. When we arrived at the hotel we
found Selina and Abby and told them to come and see the city with us. We had so
much fun roaming the city, taking pictures, dancing to the street bands, and
sitting in the plazas.
While we sat in one plaza a really funny man came up and
started talking to us about his eight foreign wives and his one Mexican wife.
He gave us copies of his poems to read and possibly buy if we liked them. He
told us he would be a famous poet when he was dead and then started rambling
off about all the women in the world he has yet to love. Beto paid for the poem
and then read it out loud to us. It was called "Cuando un hombre te ame"
(When a man loves you" . . . or something like that). I thought it was
very sweet.
We ate breakfast with the study abroad group in the morning
and then our research team, accompanied by Beto, headed back to the mountains to attend a wedding in a little village named Potrerillos. On the way
there I rode next to Beto in the cramped cab of the truck because I was the
only girl not wearing a skirt (and could straddle the stick shift). I couldn't
help but notice that I didn't mind sitting that close to Beto! All along the
way on our three hour plus trip we never ran out of things to talk about. Selina
had brought her scriptures and read them out loud to us, which stemmed really
deep gospel conversations. Later, Beto told me that he really started to fall
in love with me when he heard me talk about God. I didn't know that at the time though, and we
still hadn't expressed any interest, so, when Abby started asking me about the
kind of guy I was looking for, we had quite the conversation. To turn the
attention away from me (and because I was interested) I asked Beto what he was
looking for in a woman and why he had never dated much. He said he hadn't dated
much because he was kind of demanding. He listed off what he was looking for,
however, and I silently noted that I might just qualify.
We arrived at the wedding and, after eating, found we didn't
have anything to do for several hours, so Beto and I just sat and talked and
talked. To be honest, I think that is where it started to be more real to me.
We connected easily on so many different levels and I loved seeing people from the different
villages come up to Beto and talk with him like an old friend. I especially
loved how the children were drawn to him. Around 7:00 pm the dancing started:
first the bride and groom, then more people joined with La Víbora de la Mar (a
fun traditional wedding dance/activity), and then everyone else. An older man invited us all to
dance so we went out and started dancing and danced the rest of the night.
(Beto never asked me to dance because, as he informed me later, I had
said I didn't like to dance . . . which is true, but I wouldn't have minded
dancing with him!)
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| La Vibora de la Mar |
We piled back into the truck and started the long trek home
around 9:30 pm. Abby and Selina fell asleep early on and, even though I was
tired, I tried to stay awake to keep Beto company. We talked, but we were both so
tired that it wasn't that great. With an hour left before the city, I was so
tired I didn't have any more willpower. I leaned my head up against his headrest
(even though it wasn't that comfortable—nothing was at that point) and promptly
fell asleep, but not really. Every once and a while I would open my eyes to see
how close his face was, but I just pretended to be asleep so I could have an
excuse to be that close.
When we arrived at the CHOICE Center I got out of the truck,
walked to my room, and fell asleep with all my regular clothes on. When I woke the next morning, I discovered that there wasn't any water so I walked
outside to start the pump. I was kneeling next to the water tank when Beto came
up behind me and tousled my hair. Now that I think about it, that was the first
sign of affection that was really obvious. And, from the bolts of happiness
that ran through me at his touch, I realized I might be falling for him too.
We were gone almost all Sunday long with the students at the local LDS church and
at Juan's, so we didn't see Beto all that day. When Monday came
around we returned to Garbanzo and our different projects. That evening,
however, we traveled together to another village for a town meeting about the
development project we were evaluating. When we arrived, I introduced myself to
all the men and then stood to one side. At one point the men called out to
a man who had not yet joined the meeting and said "arrímate!" Not understanding the word, I looked at Beto and asked him what it meant and he explained, as he walked toward me, that it meant to come
closer, but that the literal translation was—he leaned in closer so we were
touching—to do that. Oh my heart!
We drove out with the village men to look at the land they were
planning to use for the project. Once we were there, Beto and I stood alone off
to the side and talked. I told him I had missed him the day before and he told
me he had missed me too. We then began an immature thumb war battle in the
middle of the meeting (although we were off
to one side). Oh, the things we do when we're in love! The next few days were
filled with little gestures of affection and ill-fated attempts at doing
something together in the middle of all the projects and research that were
supposed to be going on. Maurine and Hannah (my roommates from the expedition)
brought up the budding romance one night, admitting that they couldn't help but
notice what was going on. I confessed that I liked him and they said they had
been asking him about me and that they were pretty sure he liked me too. This,
of course, made me very happy!
Wednesday, after working on my research and pretesting my questionnaires on a couple
students, I went looking for my professor so he
could help me with my many questions. Instead, I found Beto. He let me talk through all my worries and helped me translate my interviews.
After that, Beto offered to go with me to interview another college student
from the village (college students are rare in these rural communities) who was
there visiting his family. When we got to his home, however, we learned that he
had already left. His sister had his address in the city though, so I gave my
notebook to Beto so he could write it down. After he took down the address we
sat there for a while and I laughed and joked around with the family. I noticed
that Beto was still writing in my notebook and couldn't help but wonder what he
was up to.
The family invited us
to stay and eat dinner with them and we accepted. We all filed into the kitchen
and I sat across from Beto. I was really tired at that point and so I kind of
zoned out. I could tell Beto was looking at me though, and then I saw him
write something big on the last page of my notebook. He held it up so that I
was the only one who could see it and I read "Te quiero 20 rayitas mas que
cuando estabamos en León" (I like you 20 times more than when we were in
León), which is when he had told me he only liked me a little. I smiled and
responded, "igual," (me too) to which he said "asi no se
dice!" (That's not what you're supposed to say!). I realized how lame a
response that was, but I was surrounded by other people and couldn't say more! Nonetheless,
I was sooooooo happy! When I went back to the house where I was staying I read
the other notes he had left me throughout the notebook, telling me how much he
liked me. I was on Cloud 9!
However . . . me being the awkward, non-dating-intelligent person that I
am . . . all I did that night was give Beto a hug. Our real chance to talk came the
following day. Beto had left after breakfast on Thursday and was gone for some
time. I worked with Abby and Selina on research, went to lunch, kept working,
and then, when Beto got back, went with Abby to get water from the huge containers
Beto had brought up. Abby and I started walking back to the house where I was
staying and I talked with her about my worries about liking Beto. When we were
about to say goodbye, I turned around and saw Beto coming. He hadn't heard our
conversation, but I could tell he was determined to have a talk.
We sat on the doorstep to my room and began to talk about my
research and other such things, but then I asked him, "Beto, sabes que te
quiero?" (You know that I like you, right?). He said yes and I asked him
what we were going to do. He replied that he hadn't been able to sleep the
night before because he was trying to think of how we could make things work.
That comment completely threw me off because I realized JUST how serious he was
about this whole liking me business. He explained that he had asked my professor about
master's programs in the states and had talked to Juan about getting a job with
CHOICE in the states so I could be closer to my family, versus him continuing
with CHOICE in Mexico (which was the plan). It was a lot to take in during one
conversation! What I didn't know how to say was how important my belief
in the restored gospel is to me and how little he could know me until he understood that.
Eventually Selina joined our conversation and then I had to
leave to go talk with some villagers. When I came back about 15-20 minutes
later I could tell Selina and Beto had been talking about something. There was
a tension in the room so thick you could cut it with a knife, but no matter how
many times I asked what they had been discussing, no one would tell me. Selina,
however, recounted the conversation to me later that day:
Beto had told Selina how much he cared for me and about his
plans and hopes to be close to me. Selina said it was one of the most intense
conversations she's ever had because she looked at Beto and told him,
"Beto, you have to understand that, for Ashley, our church means
everything to her." He had said, "I know, that's what I love about
her!" But Selina responded, "No, you need to understand, that means she would
never marry someone who is not a member of the church." She then explained
that we had gotten him a Book of Mormon (I had gotten it from the Elders that
Sunday) and that we had wanted to give it to him—not in an effort to force our
beliefs on him—but because we loved him and wanted to share with him what has
made us so happy. She then
told him "Creo que,en esta situacion, te valdria la pena leerlo." (In
this situation, I believe it would be worth your time to read it.) I will
forever be grateful to Selina for having that conversation!!!
That is, of course, where I walked in on the conversation.
Later that night, Beto and I went horseback riding with some of the youth in
the village. It was perfect. It was raining lightly as we made our way to the
corrals, rounded up the cows in the field, and brought them in. At one point
Beto leaned over his saddle and said "I've never been so happy in my life
than right now." When we got back from riding, Beto walked me back to the
home where I was staying. As we got closer to the house Beto said, "Selina
told me how important your church is to you, and she told me about how you
wanted to give me a Book of Mormon . . . I'm going to have to pray about it,
but I'm going to read it." I gave him the biggest smile I could and then suddenly became awkward because I didn't know what to do next.
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| The Kitchen |
Beto saved the day when he said "do you want to keep
talking?" I said yes and we quickly determined that the only place we
could be alone to talk and out of the rain was in the kitchen. We turned on the
lights, pulled up the chairs, situated ourselves, and then I asked, "do
you want to know more about the Book of Mormon?" Gratefully, he said yes. I
was surprised when I started, how little (almost nothing) he knew or had even
heard about the church. So I taught the whole entire first missionary lesson; from the church as Christ established it in his day, to the apostasy and restoration, to
the Book of Mormon and knowing its truth through the Spirit. I recommitted him
to read and pray. I was so nervous
about how he was receiving it the whole time I was talking, but I felt the
Spirit when I testified that Thomas S. Monson is the living prophet today.
After that I started telling stories about my mission and,
after a while, I laid my head on his shoulder. I could tell he wanted to kiss
me and I wanted him to, but neither of us really knew how to make it happen.
Finally, I broke the silence and asked "Beto, would you kiss me?" As
in, is that something you'd actually do? He said yes and I responded, "It's
just that I don't know how." I explained how the only other time I'd ever
been kissed was by my childhood playmate in front of my pre-school class. I
remember being so mad at my friend after the kiss because the teacher separated
us for the rest of the day and I felt the boy had ruined our friendship by
kissing me. Beto and I laughed at the story and then I asked him about his
kissing experience. He had only kissed one other girl he had dated for two weeks
and quickly learned he didn't want to date.
We talked for a while longer and then he took my chin in his
hands and kissed me. At first I was surprised at the simplicity of it, but when
I realized I had just been kissed, I kissed him back. It was wonderful! Beto
then asked if I was mad at him (like my preschool friend). I laughed and said
no, so he kissed me again. At moments I felt confusion about why I was kissing
a non-member Mexican in the middle of the Mexican desert with rain falling on
the tin roof of a village kitchen, but for the most part I liked it! At one
point I told Beto that I knew that God had guided me to this point in my life, and that, if God meant for us to be together, then it would work. If not, there
was still a reason he wanted us to be together now and he would bless us both
in the end. After a time I suggested we go dance in the rain before we said
goodnight, to which Beto agreed. After dancing in the rain, Beto walked me to
my door and gave me one more kiss goodnight. Once alone, and after a prayer of gratitude,
I quickly climbed into bed and fell asleep with a smile and the feel of his
kisses on my face.
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| I had to buy everyone ice cream after our first kiss! |
* * *
As I have considered the many lessons I learned because of
the peculiar way in which Beto and I finally met and fell in love, I have often
thought about a principle taught in the book, "The Alchemist." The wisdom with which Brazilian author Paulo Coelho writes turns his simple story into a deep and beautiful commentary
on the challenges, sacrifices, and joys of finding your own "personal
legend" in life. As Coelho teaches throughout the book, each one of us has
a personal legend—a mission, dream, or purpose in life. Many people live their
whole life, the story explains, without ever pursuing their personal legend.
Those who choose to go after their dreams, however, find that even with the
challenges, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in
helping you to achieve it" (23).
As I look at my own story, it is not hard to believe that all
the universe did indeed help me fall in love. Seen in the light of the gospel,
this principle became Lesson Number
Four: God answers our prayers, but, as President
Kimball taught, “it is usually through another person that he meets our
needs." I look back at everyone who took part in my love story and I know
I couldn't have made it to Mexico and had the faith to fall in love with a
truly incredible man without the help of countless individuals: Abby, Selina,
Tim, Juan, Anali, Arantza, Ana Laura, Jeff, Julie, Wayne, Maurine, Hannah,
Adam, Chris, Stuart, Jim, Annie, Lourdes, Christina, Mary, Vicky, Magdali,
Juanito . . . . I could go on forever. I think back to that moment at the restaurant just a week before meeting Beto, when I had so clearly felt that those people were there because of me, and I realize that, though they might have been there because of me, they were really there for me. These were the people God had placed in my path to help me achieve my "personal legend." I am so grateful for a God who answers prayers and places the
necessary people in our path in order to do so.
