Lessons From a Non-Dater on How to Find Your One & Only (Segment 1)

The date was Wednesday, April 27th, 2011. Less than 24 hours earlier I had stepped off the plane and been welcomed into the arms of my family after serving an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Chile, Santiago North Mission. Now, a day after being welcomed home, there I was, dropping my mother off at the curb and wishing her well in her college classes. After she disappeared into her class building I drove the car to my dad's work and parked outside. As soon as I stepped out of the car I realized, with terror, that I was (as most returned missionaries fear) completely alone! I looked all around me and couldn't see anyone. I ran into the building and started making my way to my father's office. At the end of the hall I found my saving grace when I caught sight of my brother and his friends. I called out in desperation, "Dave! I'm alone!" and then I literally ran down the hallway to escape my awful situation.

Looking back on that moment I can't help but laugh at myself and my awkward 'returned sister missionary-ness,' but I can also remember that sudden comprehension of my lone condition and how real that alarm truly felt. While I got over my fear of being without a sister missionary companion within a reasonable amount of time, I never forgot what the mission taught me about the value of facing life with someone else by my side. With a companion, goals can be set and achieved, plans can be made and accomplished, conflicts will surface and be overcome, service can be rendered and enjoyed, and a lot of fun can be had too! The mission also strengthened my testimony of the family, so much that I knew I couldn't (or maybe shouldn't is a better word) avoid what was coming next . . . I needed to find an "eternal companion."

I just had one little problem: I hated dating. To make things worse, I didn't know how to act around guys. Not only had I just returned from a mission, but all I had done during my two years of college prior to the mission was avoid guys like the plague. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed dating in high school, but my biggest fear in my early college years was that I'd fall in love and not go on a mission . . . so I avoided the complicated game they call dating as much as I possibly could before putting on the black name-tag. Now that I was home, I really wished I had given myself at least some experience.

If I had to choose one negative word to describe that first year back from the mission, it would be rough. I still remember leaving a stake conference in tears because every talk had been about dating and had only made me feel more lost, inadequate, and guilty for not liking to date. The world of dating at BYU was completely over my head and I, to this day, have yet to figure it out. I had heard every type of dating advice from friends, strangers, church leaders, family members, and more; but I still didn't get the game and I didn't want to play it.

If, however, I had to choose one positive word to capture the essence of my first year back from the mission, it would have to be faith. In fact, faith is what helped me find my fiancé. It wasn't any specific flirting tip or a terrific date idea that led me to my one and only; instead, it was the promptings I received from the Holy Ghost that I learned to trust and follow that eventually led me to find my best friend and (soon-to-be) husband.

One night, after listening to Brother Wilcox's incredible talk on grace, I was able to make a connection that changed my whole perspective on the "how-to's" of finding Mr. Right. I wrote in my journal that night, "I don't know how to do the dating thing. I feel like I can do the whole relationship thing, but being forward enough to get one going is an entirely different ballgame for me. I can't do it on my own. I have often thought, Why would God worry about helping me 'get a guy'? There are so many more important things for Him to do and it's my responsibility anyway. I am, of course, wrong in that thought. Not only are my desires important to God because he loves me, but they are also important in the eternal perspective of me being able to have a family. This is one of THE most important things and I just happen to struggle with it . . . A LOT."

I continued, "As I pondered over this I had the thought, If you knew that God had everything planned out and knew exactly what needed to happen for you to find your husband, would you be so worried? The answer is NO. I would trust the Lord. I know I need to make my effort, but this is essentially what is happening. God is aware of me and my needs and He knows where my husband is as well as my shortcomings in finding him. I can't bridge that gap on my own. I need the grace of the Savior's Atonement just as much in the process of finding my husband as I do for the miraculous process of repentance." – November 6, 2011

Looking back at those words, I almost can't believe how very, very true they were. I couldn't find my future husband on my own. HE WASN'T EVEN IN THE SAME COUNTRY! Did I know that at the time? No. Would I have understood it if God had told me? No. Would it have done me any good to know that? No. What God did tell me was that he was mindful of me and that I should trust him. And so I did—even though at times it was exhausting to have faith—I  trusted. And that trust made all the difference. So Lesson Number One: Trust God. If you could know the end from the beginning, you wouldn't doubt; and, with God, you do know the end from the beginning. You just can't see it. So trust God because He does see it and He will lead you there.