Lessons From a Non-Dater on How to Find Your One & Only (Segment 5)

I woke the morning after our first kiss, not sure how I felt about everything. Part of me was still soaring with happiness, but the other part of me was facing the fact that I had just jumped into a totally complicated situation. I told my roommates from the study abroad group about everything that had happened and they couldn't contain their excitement. Nonetheless, I was still worried about what I had done by kissing Beto. I didn't want to hurt him, and I really liked him, yet I couldn't see how things would EVER work out. Abby, Selina and I had planned to meet that morning about our research, but the meeting turned into a therapy session for me instead as I told them about the night before, and they helped me figure things out.

After that, we finished up our projects in the community for the day, helped the study abroad students write goodbye notes in Spanish to their host families, and then loaded into the trucks to head back to the city. Before we left, Beto asked me on a date that night and I had to laugh at the thought that this would be our first date . . . after the first kiss. Even as a non-dater, I have to admit that the date was fun. We went out to eat and then Beto drove his car through the richer side of the city to see the beautiful homes on the hillside overlooking Irapuato. It was such a stark contrast to the villages where we had been working! When we came back to the CHOICE Center we sat in the car and talked and talked and talked. While we spent some of our conversation talking about our families and interests, most of our conversation centered on topics such as life after death and the Atonement.

At one point, I asked Beto why he was going to read the Book of Mormon. I will never forget that moment. The light was shining through the car window, illuminating his face, his eyes were filled with sincerity and love, and he said, "Porque quiero saber la verdad." ("Because I want to know the truth.") I knew, in that moment, that he meant it. I also knew, even more than I knew his love for me, that he loved God; and that was exactly what I needed to know. Somewhere in our conversation, Beto asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. The answer was so obvious I couldn't help but laugh at the request. It took me all but a millisecond to say yes!

The next five days were spent in Mexico City with the study abroad students before they flew home. Since Beto's family is from the state of Mexico, we took this opportunity to meet them all. His father and sister came to meet us on the grounds of the Mexico City Temple and we ate dinner at his mother's restaurant with his two older siblings and his niece and nephew. On Sunday we went to church at the LDS church just a few blocks from Beto's house at 8am and then went to the evangelical church which Beto had grown up attending.  After  the meeting, Beto introduced us to all his friends and introduced me as his girlfriend.

It all seemed so very, very unreal. That morning I had skyped my parents to tell them that I was dating a non-member from Mexico and then introduced them to Beto. They took the news surprisingly well. They appreciated hearing how wonderful I thought he was and how he was the most sincere disciple of Christ I had ever met. Despite how crazy I thought it all sounded, they simply said, "you're not a crazy person, so it must not be crazy what you're doing." I sure felt crazy, but I was so grateful for their trust.

Once in downtown Mexico City, Beto and I took a walk through the International Fair, enjoying the booths from countries all over the world as we went. We found so much to talk and laugh about, as well as to dream and plan together. Eventually our walk took us beyond the fair and past a street photo gallery. At one point I asked Beto, "What are we doing?" (i.e. What are we doing dating each other? . . . We're from two different countries with different cultures and religions. This is crazy!) Beto simply responded with, "We're loving each other." And it was true. Despite all of my doubts, there were two things of which I was sure: 1) I loved God and 2) I loved Beto. Still, knowing that didn't keep me from telling Beto that I thought we were crazy.

At the end of our walk we stopped in the central plaza and sat on the step of the Angel of Liberty Monument

(see picture). We talked about all sorts of things as we held hands and watched the people and cars go by. I told him that I had decided that day that I would only share the gospel with him when he asked me questions. Otherwise, I would get too excited and try and shove the gospel down his throat rather than him gain his own testimony. "But," I told him, "I really hope you have a lot of questions so that we can talk." He assured me that he was going to have a lot of questions. That news, of course, made me very happy.

The Monday before the study abroad students left we visited the ancient city of Tenochtitlan (with the famous Pyramids of the Moon and the  Sun). Throughout our adventures climbing pyramids and walking through the remnants of the ancient city, Beto and I talked about the pre-mortal existence(which Beto had never heard of before and found fascinating) and the Book of Mormon people (whose descendants may have lived in the very place where we were walking). We saw missionaries on the Temple of the Moon that day and in the Castle of Chapultepec the following day. Seeing them filled me with a hope that Beto would soon be taking the discussions and standing in the waters of baptism.

Tuesday night came quickly and, with it, the realization that I would not be seeing Beto for at least another two weeks. (Once the study abroad students left the next day, Beto would stay in Mexico City with his family and I would head back to the villages with my research team.) The past five days had been incredible—magical—but the realities of our growing romance led me to my knees that night with a sincere desire to know what my Heavenly  Father would have me do. I recognized that what I was doing (dating a non-member from Mexico who had never thought of moving to the U.S.) was totally crazy. I also explained that, while I loved Beto, I loved God more; and that, if I wasn't supposed to date Beto, I would stop. However, if I should continue in the relationship . . . I wanted to know as well.

I fell asleep that night, completely confused, but sure that an answer would come. Morning came all too soon and, with it, 'goodbye.' Beto and I held on to every last moment we had together, then kissed goodbye in the middle of the Zocalo (the plaza in front of the capitol building of Mexico) where our bus came to pick up the study abroad students and take them to the airport. Once we had dropped the study abroad students off at the airport, our bus began the long journey back to Irapuato.

The Zocalo

Now empty—except for me, my fellow researchers, the bus driver, and his assistant—the bus was quiet. I stretched across the seats in the very back of the bus, hoping to get a nap before we arrived. When sleep would not come, I found my neglected journal and decided to try and catch up on the three weeks I had missed while I was so busy falling in love. I stared at my journal, now open in front of me, and tried to wrap my mind around everything that had happened over the last month. I didn't know where to start! As I searched for an adequate explanation of the crazy turn of events in my life that had led me to be dating Beto, I had to reach farther and farther back in time to all the moments I had felt so strongly about going to Mexico. I remembered prayers that had been answered, scriptures that had given me faith, Priesthood blessings that had been my guiding light, "doors" that had opened at the right time, and a hundred little details and moments that had brought me to where I was.

And then . . . my mind reached back for one more memory . . . and into my mind came the words of my mission president as he gave me a blessing before I came home from my mission. They were the only words I remembered from that blessing and, though I had not thought about them for a very long time, they now came flooding back to me with a clarifying force. I could hear my mission president's voice and his words: "You will be led by the Holy Ghost to find your husband." I sat up in my seat with a shout of "Oh!" that wakened my fellow researchers. Selina turned and asked, "What?" to which I replied, "Oh! . . . Oh! Ooooh!" I was so surprised by the answer. In my mind I asked the Lord, "So, you mean I found him?" I almost didn't believe it. But it was true, despite all my fears and doubts, I had followed the promptings I had received to go to Mexico and—in following the Spirit—I had been led to find Beto.

The answer arrived with such clarity that I have yet to doubt it. I never expected to get such a dramatic answer to the question of whom I should marry, but as with most "big" answers I've ever received from the Lord, it was really just the culmination and realization of all the little answers I had received along the way. I quickly learned why the Lord had given me such a strong answer, for within the next 24 hours, the opposition began in full force. I now knew that Beto was the man I was meant to marry (and wanted to marry), but Beto still needed to learn for himself whether or not the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was the true, restored church of Jesus Christ; and that quest for the truth almost never comes without opposition.

Though we were no longer with each other, we emailed and skyped as often as time and circumstances permitted. In between weeks in the communities, we had long conversations about the newest forms of opposition and how to overcome them; and we addressed Beto's numerous questions about the Book of Mormon, the Priesthood, and other gospel principles. I will never forget our conversation about the Plan of Salvation that began as a chat over Skype about our potential to become like God (which Beto found blasphemous in the beginning) and ended with a video chat with me drawing out the whole plan on a notebook and holding it up for Beto to see while we read through scriptures about our pre-mortal life, the fall, life on earth, the commandment to be perfect as God is perfect, death, resurrection, kingdoms of glory, etc. etc. It was an unforgettable experience.

Throughout the rest of my time in Mexico, Beto came to visit several times and I went to Mexico City once as well. But the time to leave came all too soon. After a tearful goodbye, I returned home with a summer full of adventures, research, and a heart that belonged to someone else. My first night back in my Provo apartment I knelt by the side of my bed and was overwhelmed by the memory of prayers offered from that very spot throughout the year before. I was so humbled as I realized how God had answered each and every one of those prayers. So many miracles, so many promises fulfilled—how could I ever doubt the Lord again? (I knew I would doubt again because I am human, but how can we doubt? God loves us and is mindful of our needs and desires! That is all we need to know.)

As I worked on research and then began classes again in the fall, Beto and I continued our relationship over Skype. We talked every day! Then, one day, Beto announced that he would be getting baptized in two weeks'  time. I was so shocked. The last I had heard, he was planning on being baptized when he came to visit in December. He explained, however, that when the missionaries had asked him if he would still be baptized if I wasn't in the picture, he knew that he would still do it. He could not deny the truth that he now knew. And so he had asked the missionaries if he could be baptized that very weekend, which wasn't possible, so they planned the baptism for the next weekend, September 15th, 2012. I was beyond happy! The day of Beto's baptism came quickly and, though I could not attend, we spoke just before he left for the church and soon after the baptism. With a happy heart, I realized that—for the first time in my life—I was now dating a member!

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Based on the moments explained in this segment of our story and others I chose not to share, Lesson Number Five is to never give up what you know to be true. After the Lord answered my prayer, I knew that I was meant to marry Beto. That didn't mean it wasn't hard to hold on through all the opposition. After Beto learned that the church was true, he knew he had to act on and remain true to that knowledge, despite the mounting opposition. One particularly difficult day (while I was still in Mexico), I was wondering how Beto and I would ever work out when the song "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz came to my mind. I hadn't listened to the song in ages, but I quickly found it on my iTunes and let it play. Every word spoke truth. More than anything, I knew that God knew Beto and I were "worth it" and I needed to hold on to that truth.

God is leading us all to where we need to be, to the people with whom we should share our lives and our love, to the experiences we need to have, to the people we can touch. But just because he is leading us there doesn't mean that the road there will be easy, nor the end once we get there. The things that are of the greatest worth for the souls and salvation of man are the things that require the most work, faith, and sacrifice. Finding the truth, finding your 'one and only', holding on to your 'one and only', making a marriage (or any) relationship work, raising a family, living the gospel, preaching the gospel . . . these things require the greatest amount of work and faith, but they also bring the greatest joy. So hold on. God knows it's worth it.