My Ponderings: Merry Christmas from Mexico!

It has been a while since I have posted anything on the blog, but I hope I can say that I am back to stay. The transition to life in Mexico has been . . . entirely different from what I expected. Living in a foreign country is a completely distinct experience from doing research or serving as a missionary in one. While in both previous circumstances I was in a foreign country for a longer period of time than I have so far lived in Mexico, knowing that I am here to stay has changed the experience in a way that I could have only begun to imagine before I boarded the plane to Mexico on September 29th.

While one excuse for not writing these past three months has been my limited access to internet, the main reason I have hesitated to write is that I simply have not known what to write. Some days I wanted to write about everything that was happening, but then there were so many things that were happening that I couldn't pick just one thing to write about. Other days, my thoughts wanted to tumble out all over the page, yet the next day I wanted to keep all my thoughts, hopes, and fears inside me where no one could see them. Today, however, I have determined to put on paper at least a little of what I've been up to and share, once again, the lessons that God is teaching me through this crazy adventure we call life.

And, so, I pick up where I left off (sort of). Beto was baptized in September (2012), he surprised me in November by coming to Utah to propose (and, of course, I said "Yes!"), he came back in December to spend Christmas with and get to know my family, and then he headed back to Mexico and we settled in for the long haul of maintaining a long distance relationship. The distance was only interrupted once, in May, when I flew to Mexico to interview for a couple jobs and we got engagement pictures done. The remaining months were filled with daily text messages and Skype conversations—our only way to be together across the distance.

While we found fun and significant ways to build our relationship during those months, I was beyond grateful and so happy when September arrived and Beto and I finally knelt across the altar of the Logan temple and promised ourselves to each other for time and all eternity. I was finally with Beto! And not only was I with him then, but there were no more long-term goodbyes for us in the future! I almost couldn't believe it! For two individuals who had spent so much of their time apart, this was absolutely incredible. In the days that followed our wedding we often turned to each other and exclaimed, "We never have to be apart again!" Even more, because of the covenant we had made, we could be with each other for forever. Forever! We were both filled with gratitude for the incredible gift God has given to allow us to be with each other, both now and in the eternities.

Too soon, however, it was time to say goodbye to my family. I cried as I hugged my parents and siblings and then watched them disappear from view as we pulled out of the driveway and slowly drove away from Paradise; I held back the tears as I hugged my sister and kissed my nephew and nieces goodbye when they dropped me off at the airport; and then I was on the plane, watching Salt Lake disappear below me. And now . . . over two and a half months later . . . I am here in Mexico, learning to live a life as foreign to me as the country I live in.

While I knew it would be difficult to leave my home and family, I had always thought that I would be able to stay connected, despite the distance—just like Beto and I had stayed connected. However, life has taken some crazy twists and turns since our arrival in Mexico and I haven't been able to communicate with those I left behind as much as I had hoped or planned. The result was an unexpected kind of homesickness that left me thinking about why we decided to come to Mexico, the purpose of our present circumstances, and the significance of being with those we love.

In particular, I have thought about a talk that I heard my freshman year of college the week after President Hinckley passed away. Elder Bruce C. Hafen began his talk by remembering President Hinckley and then sweetly reminding us that he was now with the girl of his dreams, Sister Hinckley. He went on to give one of the most amazing talks I have ever heard about being a disciple of Christ. He spoke of the disciple's journey and the many efforts we must make to leave Satan's sphere of influence and break into the sphere of influence of the Savior.

Two points Elder Hafen made in his talk have stayed with me ever since I first heard them, as if they have been written in permanent marker on my heart. The first is that discipleship requires sacrifice and will often lead us directly into the trials of life, rather than around them. He stated, " If we are serious about our discipleship, Jesus will eventually request each of us to do those very things which are the most difficult for us to do." He then shared the story of Elder Neal A. Maxwell, who dedicated his life to the service of the Lord on the muddy battlefields of Okinawa during World War II. Throughout his life, Elder Maxwell sought to become a fully consecrated follower of Jesus Christ, no matter what the price. Above all, he desired the gift of charity, to love as Christ loves. When he was diagnosed with the cancer that would eventually take his life, Elder Maxwell said that he should have seen it coming, for the more he had desired the gift of charity, the more he had come to sense how dear the price might be. He explained:

Christ’s love is so deep that he took upon himself the sins and afflictions of all mankind.  Only in that way could he both pay for our sins and empathize with us enough to truly succor us—that is, run to us—with so much empathy that we can have complete confidence that he fully understands our sorrows.  So to love as Christ loves means we will somehow taste suffering ourselves.  For the love and the affliction are but two sides of the same coin.  Only by experiencing both sides can we understand and love other people with a depth that even approaches Christ’s love.

Seen in this light, any suffering I have felt because of the distance, or the difficulty of life in Mexico, is truly a blessing. Ever since I first made friends with people like Manuela and Miguel in elementary school I have wanted to understand the Mexican people. In high school it pained me to see so many students from Latin America who I couldn't even talk to because I didn't know their language or understand anything about their life and the circumstances in which they lived. Over the years I have learned their language and studied their history, but until recently, I knew nothing of what it is like to leave your home and family in order to work in a foreign country, nor the daily battle that it is to earn a living in a developing country. I am learning now, and I am grateful for the opportunity. Perhaps the Lord can teach me to have more compassion and understanding of these people I have come to love over the years and I am learning to love even more now that I am living, suffering, learning, and laughing with them.

The second point from Elder Hafen's talk that has stood out like a bright shiny star in these past months is the ultimate promise and blessing of the gospel: to reach the end of the disciple's journey and forever be with God and with all those we love. Elder Hafen teaches:

For me, the words with you capture the Atonement’s meaning in its simplest terms. If we do our part, Christ makes us “at one” with God, overcoming whatever separates us from Him. He is with me, with you, not only at the end of our lives but every day of our lives. And without Christ we could not be “with” our family and our friends. Once our daughter Emily had to leave her three-year-old boy Clark with a babysitter. As she began leaving, little Clark ran to her and cried poignantly, “Go with you, Mom. With you.” No longing runs deeper in us than our desire to be with those we love.

As these past months have taught me, there truly is no longing deeper than the desire to be with those we love. I look forward to the day I can be with my family again. I cherish every moment I can be with Beto. Truly, just the simple act of being with Beto can fill my entire day with happiness. I have learned, as well, that I need to give of my time to pray and study the scriptures and teachings of the prophets—to be with God—so that he can be with me all day long. Instead of turning from Him as life gets hard, the power of Christ's atoning sacrifice has taught and enabled me to be at one with God and enjoy his Spirit and peace now, despite the distance between heaven and earth. Indeed, because of the love of the Savior and his sacrifice, that distance does not have to exist.

During this Christmas season, may we celebrate with our family and friends the birth of Him who has given us the power to be with each other for forever. May we glory in the trials that come with the path we walk as disciples of Christ. May we allow those trials to change and purify us so that when we are once again with God, we may also be like Him.

Merry Christmas! I love you all!

Ashley